seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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