Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
