after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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