I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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