Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
