i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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