puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
