Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
