how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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