hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
