I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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