i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A bitchslap is in order.
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