I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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