weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
