none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
