you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
