Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
