I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
