so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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