the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
