my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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