I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
