Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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