i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
