This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize