hell yes lets make some ravioli
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
