I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
