I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
