I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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