So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
