How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
