you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
