but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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