Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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