who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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