I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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