DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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