I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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