chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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