You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
