We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
