I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize