is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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