I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
