He is like the real live version of the state fair..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The feeling are messing with the penis
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
