sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
