Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
