I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
