I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
