nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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