i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
