Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
