I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
