Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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