I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
