Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
