You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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