man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
