Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
