i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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