drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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