dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
