fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
