dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize