Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
