drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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