You really coming over, don't trick.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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