You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
