You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
