in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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