I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
