My friends, they love my intelligence
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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