The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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