Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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