I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is Oprah even human
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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