Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
