I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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