I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
