The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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