I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize