girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
