I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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