i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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