Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are the jesus of drinking
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
