no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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