you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
