I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
smell my finger.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
