No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
