yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
