He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you win again, gameday.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
