It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
