apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
