What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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