sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize