I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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