My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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