There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Mom said you looked used
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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