After last night, I could never be a politician.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
