If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Brb crying the tears of my youth
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
