A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
